Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Driving through; swirls of fog

driving through
this basket of fog
wondering
if I'll be the same
when it clears 

red lights, June 2006

swirls of fog
along these country roads
by evening
we turn into strangers
beneath our own moon

—Atlas Poetica, #13, Autumn 2012

9 comments:

  1. Note: If the formatting here is screwy on anyone's screen, try refreshing, then pls let me know.... To vary the format a little, I tried manually indenting the second tanka. Looked fine on this PC but not on another. I ultimately just opted to center both of these instead: not a lot of formatting choices (unless one wants to delve into the code, I guess)!

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  2. These two speculative poems fit together so well! Explorations of identity in which the fog becomes metaphor . . .

    (The centered format looks fine--no, there are not a lot of choices!)

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  3. Thanks, I always enjoy your comments, Jenny.

    (Maybe I should try going into the code to reduce the size of this posting area. Little tanka sure can get lost in so much white space.)

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  4. One of my favorites of yours, Janet. The swirls of fog highlighting the separateness - very evocative.

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    1. Thanks, Wendy, your feedback is helpful and appreciated. Glad you could see that in the second one - the separateness, seclusion, and/or identity theme. And glad this second poem is even working at all; took me a while to edit it, and ever since I've wondered about it.

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  5. Wow, Janet! So interesting to read these two together, and witness the progression of your talent over the years. Love love love the second one! Best, M.

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    1. Thanks, Maggie. I came across the first one while pawing through old journals, in search of something else. I guess I found it interesting, too, to pair the first with this newer one (written almost 2 years ago). I'm not sure about the progression you mention; I found it easier to "write" several years ago (to be spontaneous, to express myself, etc.) than I do now. But I'm more prone to "edit"/polish nowadays than I used to be; would be happy to strike a satisfying balance between the two disciplines, lol! Again, so glad the second is going over well. I recall how the "stranger" concept in L4 wasn't working at all for someone who saw my poem in draft phase; "swirls" (for some reason) didn't appeal to someone else. But I ultimately kept this tanka as it was - just redid L3 and edited L5 (simply removed the name of a specific moon) - then crossed my fingers. Amazing what two small adjustments can do to an entire poem, I guess!

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  6. More than just the images here. Thought provoking and visual.
    Personally, I like the fog, unless I'm driving in it.

    Adelaide

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  7. Thanks, Adelaide. I kind of like the fog, too, as long as I'm not driving in it (or walking home from school in the late afternoon/evening).

    Oooh, I see my above post to Maggie was long and rambling. Maybe I'll delete it now that everyone's prob. read it.

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